Dr. Ambs Aremuorin

Written by Aremuorin / Contact / Mailing List / Linktree / Latest Post / WhatsApp – Let’s keep the conversation going !!!

“The greatest fear in the world is the opinion of others, and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep—you become a lion.” — Osho

Introduction: The Invisible Chains of Abandonment Fear

What if the deepest wounds we carry aren’t from the scars of our past but from the fear that history will repeat itself? The fear of abandonment isn’t just a fleeting insecurity; it’s a psychological labyrinth that shapes our behaviors, choices, and relationships—often without us even realizing it.

It’s the reason some people cling too tightly while others push love away before it has the chance to leave them. It’s the silent architect of toxic cycles, emotional self-sabotage, and codependency. But what if I told you that this fear—this primal terror of being left behind—isn’t actually about other people at all?

Let’s dissect the science, the sociology, the spirituality, and the solution.

The Science of Abandonment: Why We Fear Being Left Behind

1. Evolutionary Hardwiring: The Survival Instinct

Psychologists and anthropologists trace abandonment fear back to our evolutionary past. As social creatures, humans survived by staying in groups. Being abandoned by a tribe thousands of years ago was a death sentence. That primal fear still lingers in our DNA, shaping our emotional responses to rejection today.

Dr. John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, argued that our early childhood attachments define how we experience relationships later in life. Insecure attachment—caused by inconsistent caregiving—leads to an anxious fear of being left behind, even in adulthood.

A study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals with abandonment anxiety are more likely to experience heightened stress responses when facing perceived rejection, even if the rejection isn’t real.

The Social Impact: How Fear of Abandonment Shows Up in Your Life

1. Clinginess and Over-Attachment:

You text too much, need constant reassurance, and feel uneasy when your partner or friend doesn’t respond quickly. It’s not just insecurity—it’s a subconscious attempt to prevent abandonment before it happens.

2. Sabotaging Relationships Before They Can Abandon You:

Ironically, those who fear abandonment often become the very reason their relationships fail. They push people away, test loyalty, or create unnecessary conflict as a defense mechanism.

3. Codependency and People-Pleasing:

When fear of abandonment is deeply ingrained, it manifests as excessive people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and staying in toxic relationships just to avoid being alone.

4. Emotional Numbness or Avoidance:

Some people respond to abandonment wounds by emotionally disconnecting. They struggle with deep intimacy, keep relationships superficial, and avoid commitment out of fear that attachment will inevitably lead to pain.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” — Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Spiritual and Psychological Perspective: Overcoming the Fear

1. The Power of Self-Love and Inner Stability

When you base your self-worth on external validation, you are at the mercy of other people’s actions. True security comes from within.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha

Start by:

✔ Practicing self-affirmations (e.g., “I am enough as I am.”)

✔ Building emotional resilience—journaling, therapy, and mindfulness

✔ Developing hobbies and passions that are solely for you

2. Healing Inner Child Wounds

Often, abandonment issues stem from childhood experiences—whether real or perceived. Therapy, inner child work, and trauma processing techniques (such as EMDR) can help rewire the mind to release outdated fears.

3. Trusting in Divine Timing and Higher Purpose

From a spiritual lens, abandonment is an illusion. If something or someone leaves your life, it’s often because it was never meant to stay. Every departure creates space for something greater.

“What is meant for you will never pass you by.” — Rumi

The Political and Sociological Lens: Abandonment Fear in Society

This isn’t just personal—it’s political. The fear of abandonment plays out in the dynamics of race, class, and gender.

✔ Marginalized communities face systemic abandonment, from neglected social policies to disparities in healthcare and education.

✔ Women and people of color are often conditioned to over-perform for acceptance, fearing exclusion from spaces dominated by privilege.

✔ Global politics thrives on abandonment fear—leaders use it to manipulate public emotions, from immigration policies to economic instability.

When you recognize how fear is weaponized in society, you reclaim your power.

The Breakthrough: How to Let Go of the Fear of Abandonment for Good

✔ Cultivate self-trust: Know that no matter who stays or leaves, you will always have you.

✔ Strengthen emotional intelligence: Learn to differentiate between real abandonment and irrational fear.

✔ Reframe rejection: Every “loss” is a redirection.

✔ Seek professional help if needed: Therapy, coaching, and support groups can provide the tools to rewire deep-seated fears.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — Carl Jung

Conclusion: The Freedom of Letting Go

Imagine a life where you no longer fear being abandoned—because you know that your worth isn’t tied to anyone else’s presence or absence. Imagine building relationships out of love rather than fear, connection rather than desperation.

It’s possible.

The fear of abandonment is an old narrative that no longer serves you. It’s time to let it go.

#EmotionalResilience #SelfLove #HealingJourney #AttachmentTheory #PersonalGrowth #Psychology #Relationships #MentalHealthMatters #FearOfAbandonment #InnerStrength #ConsciousLiving #LettingGo #MindsetShift #SpiritualAwakening

Aremuorin is a multi-award-winning art artist, writer, and humanitarian, known for his unique fusion of music, writing, and advocacy. With a focus on empowerment and social justice, his work aims to inspire, educate, and uplift communities worldwide. Aremuorin has been honored with numerous accolades, including awards in the UK, USA, and Africa, and holds two honorary doctorate degrees for his contributions to both the arts and humanitarian work. His artistry goes beyond entertainment, as he uses his platform to bring attention to issues of mental health, social change, and cultural pride.

Written by Aremuorin / Contact / Mailing List / Linktree / Latest Post / WhatsApp – Let’s keep the conversation going !!!

(C) 2025 Aremuorin – All Rights Reserved